i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
