My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
