Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
