Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Two words: nipple clamps
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