I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
