i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
