my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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