I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
