Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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