so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
