You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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