You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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