i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
