I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
As shirtless as possible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All the doctor said was why
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
