Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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