She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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