I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
