tell your sister to shave her snatch
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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