I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
