When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
