i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
