I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
