I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
