i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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