I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize