I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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