Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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