Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
