Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
50% drunk capacity currently
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
