Can i not drive my cunt home
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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