no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
