I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
