I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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