Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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