tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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