fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize