currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
