ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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