I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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