Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
