Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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