You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
