I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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