i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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