Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
