I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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