I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
