Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
