Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
