New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
