woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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