i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
