you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
