I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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