Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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