Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
