i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
