Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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