i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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