i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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