As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
