i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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