She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize