I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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