capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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