we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
