dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
