vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
