Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
