My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
