I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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