May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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