in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
