I must be too annoying 4 u.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
