if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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