we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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