I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
