ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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