apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
