So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
