My cat gives me a boner
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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