Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
