so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
