I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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