I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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