Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
