what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
