No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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