and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
