the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
