I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
