Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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