Where are you?
In a non slutty way
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
