you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
