i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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